I Made a Thing

Apfelwein

This is absolutely the easiest hooch you can make. Many thanks to EdWort for the recipe.

Ingredients:

5 gallons apple juice - make sure it’s 100% apple juice. Preservatives and yeast don’t play well together.

2 lbs sugar - Again, no preservatives. I use organic demerara sugar.

1 pack of Montrachet wine yeast - as far as ingredients go, this is the only thing you won’t be able to get at a grocery store. You can seek out your local homebrew shop or order online (I would recommend Northern Brewer).

Equipment:

Carboy - a 5 or 6 gallons vessel in which to ferment things. I’ve used both glass carboys and Better Bottles and I totally 100% recommend that you get the latter. They are light as hell and totally unbreakable.

Stopper - A plug for the top of the carboy.

Airlock - Lets gas out, doesn’t let dust and bugs in.

Funnel - a plain old funnel will do

Sanitizer - You will use StarSan. Don’t fear the foam.

Directions:

Add all the stuff together. Seriously, that’s pretty much it. After sanitizing the carboy, funnel, stopper and airlock, I pour in a gallon of juice, and then add some of the sugar. When you’re down to the last gallon of apple juice, pitch the yeast into the funnel and wash it all down with the rest of the apple juice.

Let the batch sit for about 4 weeks and then toss it into bottles. You can use old wine bottles, Grolsch-style flip-cap bottles, or get a capper and throw it in beer bottles (sanitize these as well before bottling). You can make this still, or sparkling by adding priming sugar when you bottle. It really does age well so try to resist drinking it all in the first month or anything. And it really will get you fucked up pretty easily, so split your bottles with good company.